Cutting Up Your Credit Cards: Explicit Instructions
Why you might want to do this: Because credit cards are the worst, and you need to stop using them yesterday, and putting them in the back of the drawer isn’t going to work this time just like it didn’t work last time.
1. Get some scissors.
2. Cut those cards up.
3. Cut them up again.
4. Tinier pieces.
6. I can tell that you’re trying to keep the pieces big enough so they can be put back together like a puzzle in a moment of need. Stop that.
7. Plastic confetti is what we’re going for here.
8. Okay and now, to the trash.
9. And clear the cache on your computer.
10. And deactivate the cards on your PayPal account.
11. And burn the sheet of paper that you’ve written all the numbers down on, just in case.
12. And if you call the credit card companies and tell them you lost your cards and need replacements, you’re the one getting cut. Now get out of here.