The State of Things: 100 Martinis and Vermont

Mike: Let’s talk about our weekend spending. I’ve already started throwing down some cash today for lunch with a friend who’s in town. Tonight I’m going to a birthday party at a martini bar. Apparently they have more than 100 different martini drinks you can get.

Logan: Whhhhhaattttt? How will you choose!?!!?

Mike: Oh, how I always choose: Crowdsourcing! Which basically just means I’ll ask what the most popular drinks are, and then get the one that doesn’t sound gross. So I’m estimating $150 this weekend. You?

Logan: I’m going to Vermont. I already bought my bus ticket, which was $15. I have my host gift (coffee, $15). Ummmm. I’ll probably spend $100 I guess? I don’t know!

Mike: You always say $100, and I will tell you that you always spend more than $100.

Logan: Hahah, I know. I know.

Mike: What sort of things will you be doing in Vermont?

Logan: My friend FM just called me, and we’re on the phone right now and he said: We are going to a beer fest thing, and going to a river, and going blueberry picking, and the weather is going to be A plus.

I also feel like I should say—because if I wasn’t me, I read this and be like, motherfucker Logan, look at your dream life—It’s not really! I mean it is kind of.

But the reason I’m pulling the trigger on going to all of these places (farms, more farms, Vermont) is because I lived on the West Coast for most of my adult life, and if I went anywhere, it was Virginia to see my parents.

So by living here, I’ve been able to visit a lot of people I haven’t seen in years and years. And that’s become a priority for me. Not that I’ve budgeted for it in any way. Or have sacrificed anything. But I justify it by thinking, well, anywhere I go is cheaper than here! So, yes.

Mike: Hey, listen, you don’t need to justify spending $15 on a bus ticket, and staying with your friend for free. That sounds perfectly reasonable, and a great way to spend your weekend! You’d blow that amount of money if you stayed here in the city anyway.

Logan: I love it when you’re on Team Logan. It warms my heart.

Mike: I’m on TEAM DO WHAT MAKES SENSE. And this makes sense to me!

Logan: Haha LOVE U. Here’s a question. Will you feel compelled to buy anyone drinks tonight?

Mike: Yes. The birthday girl, surely. As many drinks as she wants, actually.

Logan: Can you explain how exactly you will do it. Give me the play by play.

Mike: Well, I will arrive at the bar, and give the birthday girl a big Mike Dang hug. And then I will say, “Happy birthday! Let me get you a drink!” And when the girl is running low, I will say, “You’re running low, want another drink?”

And depending on who else is there, I may buy some friends I haven’t seen a drink. I’m sure this information is all on a Facebook invite, which I never look at, because I’m never on Facebook.

Logan: Such a smart move. Will you open a tab, or will you pay cash as per usual?

Mike: Cash! There will be so much cash. I hope thieves aren’t reading this conversation right now and tracking my location, because my billfold will be full of cash.

Logan: EEP.

Mike: Haha. Well, maybe not a ton of cash. There will be $100 in cash. The best part is that if all that cash is spent, that will be my cue to go home. I never know when the appropriate time to leave parties is—but having no money left to spend seems like the best time.

Logan: What if you’re having the best time ever?

Mike: Will I run to the ATM? I don’t do that. And I get very sleepy anyway after two drinks. Or if it’s after midnight. Because I am an old.

Logan: A responsible!

Mike: On that note: Have a responsible weekend, Logan! See you on the other side.



Previously: The State of Things: Bugging Out, and Mr. Freeze Photo: Shutterstock/Ramon grosso dolarea



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