Some Democrats Gave Me Some Free Food

All the free food I ate at the DNC, which I got to attend because of nepotism (my dad knows a guy, etc.):

Day 0 (Monday)
Bloomberg LINK center
• 1 Apple
• 1 Nutrigrain bar (also apple)
• 3 Potato bites with sour cream and chives

Reception, law firm
• 2 mini plates Brazilian-style steak
• 2 Maker’s Marks, neat
• A shameful, countless number of Brazilian-style cheesy bread puffs  

Reception, PA Delegates
• Deviled eggs: 2 with olive slices, 2 with parsley leaves, 1 with unidentifiable red strip of something on top
• 2.5 “Angel biscuits” whatever those are with ham and brown sugar sauce that kind of got stuck to each other
• 1/3 Jim Beam, neat, because the bartender poured me a lowball glass to its literal rim like he was giving me apple juice
• 1 tomato-cheese tartlet


Day 1 (Tuesday)
PA Delegates’ Breakfast
• 1 coffee
• 1/2 scoop steam-table scrambled eggs with vegetable flecks
• 2 chunks pineapple

Huffington Post Oasis
• 1 Coconut Water, my first, while making an appointment for a massage, which I had ALSO never had before even though both are supposedly SO GOOD FOR YOU. I discover that secretly this stuff tastes like a less-chemically cereal milk and it has electroxidants so one good coconut water demands another

Bloomberg LINK center
• 1 plate green salad
• 1 Apple
• 1 Greek yogurt, Trader Joe’s brand, even! WITH FIBER
• 7 carrots & 1 baby tub hummus, which involved cracking open one of those single-serving Sabra dealies and throwing away the pretzels due to earlier cheesy-bread-overload incident

Huffington Post Oasis
• 1 Coconut water, before and during my chair massage but after seeing Arianna Herself giving a tour of the place while rocking the hell out of a powder-blue pantsuit
• 1 Greek yogurt, Olympus brand, which is not as good as TJ’s and I had to eat with this weird wooden spoon that felt like it could give me an oral splinter at any moment


Day 2 (Wednesday)
PA Delegates Breakfast
• 1.5 cups coffee, I had to ask the very smiley manager to refill the carafe for and then felt guilty about because I wasn’t a delegate or anything and was basically stealing
• A couple strawberries, sliced, eaten with fingers
• 2 chunks pineapple, apparently my ABSOLUTE MAX
Huffington Post Oasis
• 1 Coconut water, for which they still don’t have straws which means I’m drinking them out of the hole in the top like I’m a beanpole dude chugging Muscle Milks
• 1 serving Orange Mango Chicken with Whole Grains and Greens, served to me by a person in a chef’s outfit but came out of a microwave bag and has the resulting signature texture of anything microwaved, namely, mush. But hot mush! That has only 410 calories! So that might be good?
• 1 Greek yogurt, still chalky, but they have real nonsplintering spoons now!
• 1 Apple, green. I had to ask twice because the first time she handed me a RED apple which we all know is gross
• 2 Yelp-shaped mints, and 1 for the security guard outside

Politico Viewing Party
• 1 “Countermeasure” cocktail: Johnnie Walker Black, vermouth, bitters, and a twist
• 1 Rye whiskey old fashioned, in honor of my rye-loving college roommate, and also in honor of wanting a second drink
• 1 tiny cup of toasted sesame pickles
• 0 Odwalla bars, even though they were there and I wanted one, because they ALL HAVE NUTS and those make me all dead


Day 3 (Thursday)
Reception, King’s Kitchen
• 1 Blueberry scone, incredibly doughy and delicious and not at all dry
• 6 grapes that should have been promoted to raisins, really
• 1 cup coffee

Bloomberg LINK center
• 1/2 plate Caesar salad, complete with a tiny booger of an Actual Anchovy
• 2 chicken quesadilla triangles, heavenly
• 1 Greek Yogurt, Yoplait brand, tasted gluey and cheesy but protein?


Day 4 (Friday)
FUEL Pizza and Wings
• 1 slice Pepperoni, which OKAY I paid $2.90 even though the pizza joint was the “Hospitality Area” for the DC delegation because it was 12:46 and I was feeling dizzy, partially with post-speech optimism but mostly with low blood sugar
• 2 garlic knots, swiped with permission
• 0 Coconut waters, because that’s not a thing in the real world where Arianna Huffington’s not in charge of feeding you fo’ free


Blair Thornburgh drove eight hours for hope and change but also for free food.



Show Comments

From Our Partners