Better Lives for Me and for You

Let’s open an artisanal gumdrop shop in Asheville. I’ll make the gumdrops. You mind the store. 

Let’s exhume and incinerate the corpse of Secretariat and sell his ashes for big $$$. I’ll dig. You keep lookout.

Let’s start a blog. I’ll build a WordPress site. You come up with funny ideas.

Let’s breed cats in my sunroom. I’ll cross Korats with Maine Coons and call them Silver Goliaths. You scoop the litterboxes. 

Let’s make cute little spoons out of wood. I’ll carve. You buy out ad space in Kinfolk.

Let’s join a commune in Humboldt and live off the land. We’ll help each other ward off unwanted sexual advances.

Let’s sell liquor to high school kids. I’ll put up the money. You push bottles outside the bowling alley.

Let’s perform “The Return of Bruno” a cappella. I’m Bruce Willis. You do lights.

Let’s move to New York. I have ambition. You’ll never amount to anything if you stay in this town.


William Foster lives in Portland, Ore. 



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