Student Loans Could Use Some Rebranding


R.P. Thead argues at Policy Mic that student loans should be rebranded as “educational mortgages” to better represent the longterm nature of repayment: “In a literal translation, ‘mortgage’ is a combination of the French words mort (death), and gage (pledge). A mortgage is a death pledge.”

THIS IS A GOOD IDEA. ADDITIONAL IDEAS:

“Scholastic bondage”

“The gentleman’s encumbrance”

“Debt-mine preparatory courses”

“Prorated brain loans”

“Actual ball and chain”

“Genius collateral”

“Academic albatross”

“A huge mistake”

“Assimilation fee”

“Employability penalty”

“Obedience ensurance”

“Non-voluntary financial obligation”

“Indentured learning”

“The adjustable rate major”

“Continuous fiscal assessment”

“Prospective wage garnishing”

“Taylor Swift”

“Amortized service-learning”

“Debt prison field trip”

“Student trafficking”

“Enlistment”

“Hate mail”

“Donkey bridle”

“Years of despair”
 
 

Mallory Ortberg and William Foster live in adjacent west coast states.

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