The Average Affair Will Cost You $2600 Apparently?

According to a press release sent to Mike by a concerned tipster and loyal reader — haha, JK, by Edith — “The Average Affair Begins 2 Years into Marriage, Lasts Six Months and Costs Over $2,600.” Are you ready for this?

In addition to potentially costing a person their happy home and marriage, a leading coupon brand has revealed that the average affair costs the cheating party over $2,600, including dollars spent on expensive dinners, hotel check and gifts while sneaking around behind their spouse’s back. The survey, conducted by www.vouchercloud.net, was part of the company’s wider research into the leisure spending of American citizens, after an increase in searches for dating discounts. 2,645 US citizens took part in the study, all of whom were aged 25 and over and had been married to their current partner for a minimum of 5 years.

Aged 25+, married 5+ years … holy god, they’re talking about me! So what do I have to look forward to?

The following list reveals the average spend per item per month:

Hotel Bills – $123
Dinner & Drink Tabs – $162
Gifts – $54
Date activities e.g. cinema tickets – $69
Other – $36

This equates to average expenditure of $444 per month. Considering the average affair lasts for six months, the total cost of an illicit extramarital relationship was revealed to be $2,664. The adulterous respondents were then asked: “Did/Does your spouse ever question your finances or notice any unexplained expenditure, in relation to your affair?” to which only a third (32%) said that ‘yes’, their partner had noticed their extramarital financial commitments.

Some thoughts:

+ If someone told you outright that the financial cost of your six-month affair would be over $2500, on average, would you be more or less likely to do it?

+ If someone told you your partner’s affair cost you/the family $2500, would you be more or less angry about the vow-breaking itself?

+ Do these costs split evenly between men and women? We do not live in a gender-blind utopia yet, people. In pop culture, when hetero couples cheat, it’s the dudes springing for the necklaces and dinners and rooms at the Four Seasons and such. Maybe adultery is less costly for ladies, or even a net gain: necklaces! dinners! out-of-wedlock children a la Jon Snow!

+ These are totally not coastal elite numbers. Maybe you get away with $444/month in Plano, Texas, but an affair in Manhattan, Boston, DC, San Francisco, or LA? Please. It costs Fitz and Olivia more than that per week and they’re like across the street from each other. Perhaps that’s the lesson: if you’re going to cheat on your partner, do it in the cornfields and save!

+ The saddest part is probably the spouses not knowing that their hard-earned money is going towards such tawdry goings-on. Like that terrible scene with Emma Thompson in Love Actually. BTW that movie is actually the worst.

+ Bottom line: Are hot illicit smoochies priceless?

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